Darwin Lions Beer Can Regatta

The Beer Can Regatta is one of Australia’s most bizarre events. Chris Farnell learns more.

By Chris Farnell

Australia is a country famous for many great sporting events. There is rugby. There is cricket. There is a whole range of prestigious sporting events that are totally lame because they lack one key ingredient- being a piratical boat race featuring water and flower bombs and vehicles made out of beer cans.

In fact, and I know this will shock you as much as it shocks me, Australia has only one piratical boat race featuring water and flower bombs and vehicles made out of beer cans. That event is the Lions Beer Can Regatta in Darwin.

When I was asked to report on the Regatta, my first thought was that it was like the chariot race in Spartacus, but on water, or Death Race 2000 if all the cars were made of beer cans. I expected a no holds barred beer can-fuelled blood fest, and the fact that small children were allowed to compete only confirmed to me how brutal it was.

Seeking to get to the bottom of what I can only describe as a maritime Thunderdome, I spoke to Des Gellert, President of Darwin Lions Beer Can Regatta Association. 

Can you give us a quick low down on what the Beer Can Regatta is? What are the rules, and who can take part?

The Beer Can Regatta is a series of event both on the water and on the beach. Some events are races, and others and contests – best boat, tug-o-war, treasure hunt. There are few rules, and bribery with full beer cans is encouraged. The rules are set out in the 10 Can-mandments, with the primary rule being to participate in the right spirit and have fun. Boats must be built using empty drink containers, and those must provide the bulk of the flotation. Almost anyone can take part, and the youngest I’ve seen is a child of about 3 (ran her father ragged towing the boat back and forth).

It sounds like the sort of idea someone would come up with after creating a large supply of empty beer cans. Can you tell us a bit about how the event got started?

The stories about how the regatta started differ according to who you talk to, and so far, there is no corroborated evidence. The story I think might be closest to the truth is something like this. Paul Rice-Chapman, working for the local newspaper, had a deal with a beer company [Swan Breweries] to create a local festival featuring their product. Local businessman Lutz Frankenfeld had a passion for developing local tourism. These two knew each other and over a beer (or two) one night they came up with the idea of the regatta. The first regatta was an outstanding success – 63 boats and 22,000 (most of Darwin’s population) attended

That was 37 years ago- why do you think the event has been so popular for such a sustained length of time?

Where else do you have legitimate reason to throw water and flour bombs, act piratically, and be encouraged to make a public spectacle of yourself? In addition, it is great fun to participate in and most teams set out with that purpose, and pretend to be really trying to win.

What are some of the weirdest boat designs you've seen since becoming involved in the event?

We used to have a Viking long boat. The funniest was a boat meant to work like a canoe with an outrigger, that didn’t work. The outrigger acted more like an anchor, and they went round and around in circles. This year we will have two entries looking like large crocodiles (a common theme!) and one shaped like a turtle.

Finally, if I were to take part in the Regatta, how could I really crush the competition? I mean, I if I wanted to really humiliate them with my boat building prowess? What tips and advice can you give me?

The aim is to have fun. Enjoy accumulating (emptying) your boat building materials, and invite your mates to help. Test the boat’s flotation. Accumulate some more building materials and add those to boat. Repeat until boat floats satisfactorily. Arrive at Mindil beach. Prepare ammunition… Participate.

I can only assume he meant have fun... TO THE DEATH!

The Ten Can-mandments

1. THOU SHALT ENTER THE EVENT IN THE RIGHT SPIRIT - To have a bloody great time.

2. THOU SHALT BUILD THY CRAFT OF CANS – Which must be drink cans, open, emptied and in more or less their original state. Any attempts to enter a submarine (i.e. a craft made of full cans) will result in confiscation and disposal by the Committee.

3. THY CRAFT SHALL FLOAT BY CANS ALONE – They have to provide at least 90 percent of your flotation. Anything can be used to stick them together, so long as it doesn’t break this rule. The outer hull must be made of cans and at two thirds of them have to be uncovered and visible.

4. THOU SHALT NOT DROWN – Any hull design is O.K. – so long as it’s safe. Everyone on board must wear a proper flotation jacket. To avoid a repeat of the Poseidon Adventure, two cans of not more than 30 imp. fl. oz. (850 mls) must be used for every pound (454 grams) weight of craft and crew.

5. THOU SHALT NOT TAKE THE NAME OF THY CRAFT IN VAIN – Any craft bearing signs or lettering that may be offensive will be barred.

6. THOU SHALT NOT DRIFT FROM THE STRAIGHT AND NARROWAND END UP IN MARDORAH – If anything goes wrong, we want you to get you to shore safely and without disrupting the others. Make sure you have a tow rope that’s no longer than the craft itself.

7. THOU SHALT NOT PROTEST TOO MUCH – No protests regarding eligibility will be considered once a race has started.

8. THOU SHALT HONOUR THY COMMITTEE – Swearing, threats, stamping of feet and floods of tears will have NO effect on committee decisions regarding eligibility and protests. Bribes of strong drink will be accepted, but will also have NO effect on decisions.

9. THOU SHALT NOT COMMITTEE ADULTERY – Nothing really to do with the Regatta, but it gives us an air of responsibility and respect.

10. THOU SHALT GO BACK AND READ THE FIRST CANMANDMENT AGAIN.

Image: Getty

Issue 9, Australia & New Zealand Outlook